Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

David thought the place had a casual, old-school feel to it, something homelike even, that would help her feel at ease. Besides, too many first dates are wasted on fancy restaurants with exorbitant prices and pretentious-tasting meals that never kept you full long enough. Also, what if the date is a total bust? Better to start out small, see if she’s worth it, then take it up a scale on the fifth date or so and bring her to somewhere super nice. No, first dates should definitely be humble, relaxed. But now, as they shifted on the sticky red pleather swivel chairs that squeaked with every movement, he wondered if he had taken the casual thing a little too far. The place didn’t even have menus. The selections were etched in sloppy script on a blackboard above the counter, where they had just ordered their meals – two double-cheeseburgers, one with American cheese and one with Swiss, a large order of fries, one Dr. Pepper and one Diet Coke.
She smiled meekly as their food was brought over by a waiter in a red apron and cargo shorts stained with ketchup. The food was in a plastic thatched basket lined with tissue paper, and the grease of the burgers had dampened the paper until it was see-through. The fries were placed between them, and were clearly already drenched in salt; the tiny particles glistened on them like a sheet of snow. She picked up a fry, wiped the salt off with her forefinger, and chewed it tentatively.
“Good?” He asked stupidly.
“Mmm,” she said, still chewing.
He picked up his burger. The stale bun was cracked on top, its little crusted arteries swarming around the sesame seeds. As he brought the burger to his mouth, a mixture of grease and melted cheese plopped onto the table. The congealed mess made her cringe, and he quickly put down his burger and reached over to the napkin dispenser.
“Oops,” he said, and quickly wiped up the mess. “Well, I’ll take a greasy burger over a burned one any day. Nothing worse than feeling like you’re eating charcoal.”
She giggled politely. “That’s true.” She took the bun off her burger and slowly removed the onions that had settled into the cheese. He watched her with interest.
“Not an onion fan?”
“Nah, not too much.” She replaced the bun. She picked up the massive sandwich and surveyed it for an entry point that would make the least amount of mess. Finally, she took the smallest bite he had ever seen, quickly put down the burger, and chose to return to the plate of fries.
“How is it?” he asked. “This place is supposed to make really tasty burgers.”
“It’s pretty good,” she said. “I’m just working up my appetite.” She sipped her Diet Coke.
“Let me give it a go,” he said. He brought his burger up to his mouth and took a hearty bite, leaving a ring of ketchup and mayo around his mouth. The bun was bland, but gave way to a salty, greasy conglomeration of juicy meat and melted cheese, which was the kind of thing that tasted good at the moment, but you knew you were setting yourself up for an upset stomach in about an hour. He chose to focus on the immediate taste rather than its future adverse effects, and followed his first bite with another of the same magnitude.
“This,” he said between mouthfuls, “is the way a burger should taste!” He nodded towards her burger. “Go ahead, take a bigger bite, I know you can do better than that.”
In the meantime, she had taken to wiping the salt off multiple French fries and making a small pile for herself, at the moment there were about 6. “Don’t worry, I’ll get there,” she said. “But keep it up, the grease looks good on you.”



- LAP etc.